I’ve always liked stories that start with “There’s something to be said for….” And then follow with something really wise. So, I was going to start this post with that, but then I realized it was taking me way to long to come up with the something wise. I’ll have to settle for something…mundane.
There’s something to be said for being scared out of your mind. As I currently am. In case that sentence was lost on you. It doesn’t take much these days to make me wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. I mean, I’m supremely happy with my life. As far as I’m concerned, short of winning the lottery, I’m the luckiest person I know. Who can complain about a loving marriage to their best friend and the amazing little pixie princess they created together? And what about this new little peanut on the way? Not even a peanut really…more like the little bean part inside the green bean. What did I do to deserve such luck and happiness? And terror?
Sometimes the logistics of every day life just seem so overwhelming. Finding a sitter, who’s taking who to the doctor, oh no the car is broken, the dogs got into diaper genie and now their breath smells like baby shit. Somewhere along the way all the chaos became normal and now I’m freaking out because we’re having another baby and it’s going to be even more chaotic (and happy and wonderful and we wanted this but holy shit!).
So, I’m pretty scared. I’m just figuring out how to be a Mommy and after a year I almost feel like I’m learning something. For all those women who pop out a baby and stick it on their boob and the heavens open up and rainbows follow them around as bluebirds change the diapers….that was not me – and I hate you. I never took a birthing class or a new parent class or anything. I read every book I could get my hands on and the rest we just did from instinct. I think it came pretty naturally to me, holding the baby felt completely right, not all awkward and creepy like when I held other people’s babies. And all of a sudden my vanity went out the window. Not that there was much left after nine months of Oreos and cheese fries…but still…becoming a Mom changed everything. And now I’m doing it again and wondering how in the world I will juggle everything and spread my love across my husband, four cats, two dogs and two beautiful babies.
People do this every day – much harder things in fact so I’m not deluded into thinking this is some monumental feat that I alone will accomplish. But in my little microcosm, that’s exactly what it is. It’s huge. And scary. And I can’t wait.
There’s something to be said for being scared out of your mind. As I currently am. In case that sentence was lost on you. It doesn’t take much these days to make me wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. I mean, I’m supremely happy with my life. As far as I’m concerned, short of winning the lottery, I’m the luckiest person I know. Who can complain about a loving marriage to their best friend and the amazing little pixie princess they created together? And what about this new little peanut on the way? Not even a peanut really…more like the little bean part inside the green bean. What did I do to deserve such luck and happiness? And terror?
Sometimes the logistics of every day life just seem so overwhelming. Finding a sitter, who’s taking who to the doctor, oh no the car is broken, the dogs got into diaper genie and now their breath smells like baby shit. Somewhere along the way all the chaos became normal and now I’m freaking out because we’re having another baby and it’s going to be even more chaotic (and happy and wonderful and we wanted this but holy shit!).
So, I’m pretty scared. I’m just figuring out how to be a Mommy and after a year I almost feel like I’m learning something. For all those women who pop out a baby and stick it on their boob and the heavens open up and rainbows follow them around as bluebirds change the diapers….that was not me – and I hate you. I never took a birthing class or a new parent class or anything. I read every book I could get my hands on and the rest we just did from instinct. I think it came pretty naturally to me, holding the baby felt completely right, not all awkward and creepy like when I held other people’s babies. And all of a sudden my vanity went out the window. Not that there was much left after nine months of Oreos and cheese fries…but still…becoming a Mom changed everything. And now I’m doing it again and wondering how in the world I will juggle everything and spread my love across my husband, four cats, two dogs and two beautiful babies.
People do this every day – much harder things in fact so I’m not deluded into thinking this is some monumental feat that I alone will accomplish. But in my little microcosm, that’s exactly what it is. It’s huge. And scary. And I can’t wait.
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